The Anatomy of a Toddler
weird creatures unique little beings. With a (strong-willed) mind of their own, and logic that is utterly illogical. There is no reasoning and there are no explanations. In their world, IT JUST IS.
Having gone through Little Man’s toddlerhood with all it’s ups and downs, I am somewhat of an expert (you live and learn) in the field. So I thought of sharing my toddler-knowledge with all you lot – you can either nod in agreement or be prepared for the most insane, most exciting and most confusing stage of your child’s development.
1. Toddlers are confusing, think Jekyll and Hyde
One day their favourite colour is red. Be assured when you buy them a RED anything, they will scream their heads out. Because now their favourite colour is blue!!!
On Monday (and every other Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday etc etc) they want their sandwiches in neatly-cut triangles. But the day will come when all hell will break loose at the sight of that triangular piece of bread – WE WANT SQUARE SANDWICHES!!!
2. Toddlers have weird Rules of Play
If you’re the parent of a little boy, cars will undoubtedly be the King of Toys. But there are strict rules on how to play cars with a toddler. Heaven help you if you disobey!
Toddlers also have an uncanny ability to ALWAYS want whatever another toddler has (toy/ food/ book). However, if you go and purchase that EXACT object for them, they won’t even look at it at home. Until… their playdate touches it! When all hell will break loose again…
3. Really, what is it with toddlers and food?!
Can someone please tell me how toddlers can snack ALL DAY? How can they consume packets of crisps and breadsticks and biscuits and grapes and cheese – apart from their 3 main meals???
What also baffles me is how a toddler can be “starving” precisely 7 minutes after dinner? Every bloody night!
4. And toddlers and socks?
And why do they love socks so much? Wearing them (sometimes on feet and hands – or is my son the only one who does that?), playing with them, constantly removing them then asking for them to be put back on… it’s just a sodding sock, kid!
5. And don’t even get me started on bedtime!!!
I’ve penned an entire post on bedtime blues. Toddlers are masters at:
a) Becoming most active 5 minutes before bedtime
b) Finding amazingly creative excuses to continuously pop out of bed
c) Feeling hungry (refer to point 3) and thirsty precisely at bedtime
d) Landing up in your bed at some point during the night
e) Kicking/ punching you out of your own bed
6. Do you’ll REALLY have to watch us pee? Every time?
I mean seriously. Get over it! I know potty training is a huge deal and it’s all new and wow and stuff, but after the first 18,000 times, what’s to watch in mummy doing her business?
7. And must you’ll watch utter crap on Youtube?
We pay for an Amazon Prime subscription so you can enjoy episodes and episodes of Paw Patrol, Fireman Sam, Caillou, Ninjago and whatever else you want to watch. Yet WHY do you prefer watching their fake versions on youtube? Worse still, watching other kids play with their toys?
8. And, finally, the big question; Why are your noses always snotty?
A toddler has a snotty nose/ sniffling nose/ nose full of booger/ one or more of the above at least once every month. I get that infections spread at nursery and all that, but it has come to a point where you say ‘toddler’ and the first word that springs to mind is ‘snot’!
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