Why 'Bad Moms' made me feel good

Bad Moms – the chick-mom flick starring Mila Kunis as an over-tired, over-worked, over-stressed mom – was on my 'must watch' movie list since I first saw the trailer. Of course, movies in theatres post Little Man are as frequent as leap years, but being a mom and hearing so much about this one, I made a date with myself and went to see it.

I'm glad I did. OK, so it wasn't an Oscar-winning, heart-stopping, historically significant film; but yes, it touched a chord somewhere. Heck everywhere! Because it said what it had to say, no holds barred. It didn't make motherhood out to be this oh-so-amazing thing (of course it is) but it is also EXHAUSTING, MIND-NUMBING and BLOODY TOUGH! That's the reality of parenting (babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers/tweens/teens) and that's what Kunis and her fellow moms represented.


motherhood meme


It made me, as a Mom, not feel so guilty/ pathetic/ horrible/ hopeless. Emotions ALL mums go through, as Kunis said, at least once a day. I call it Momguilt. It made me realise that it's not always about getting your shit together as a mum, but allowing the shit to fall apart sometimes, and not taking you down with it.

In the first half, when Kunis was (trying to be) the 'perfect' mom, she failed. She was always late, always stressed, always tired. Her kids were just an extension of her. But when she couldn't take it anymore and decided to 'quit', and just be a human mom who will do her best and do anything for her kids, but also accept that she is not superwoman – that's when things began to fall into place. There were smiles all around, her kids became their own individuals (more independent, yet more chilled out) and life wasn't about meeting deadlines or being places all the time, but about enjoying the moments in between.


Jill Churchill motherhood quote


Indeed, school and education and growing up shouldn't be all about homework, test scores and extra-curricular activities; it should also be about learning to be kind and helpful and a good human being. Childhood should be about being a kid, not an adult!
 

life quote


A line that summed it all up was 'Being a good mom today is impossible'. There are far too many expectations, demands, rules. Too many (conflicting) points of view. Too much emphasis on perfection. Too much judgement. It's just never enough. You could take your kids to one more class, make them from-scratch meals everyday, be the mum who is everywhere, all the time.
 

parenting meme


Or, you could be the not-so-perfect mum who feels its okay to give your kids a happy meal sometimes, or let them stay up late and watch a movie with you, or not attend every bake sale and every game and every school event, because you need some 'me-time' too sometimes and just want to lounge at home. Alone. Heck, you need a time-out!

So, yes, Bad Moms is not a bible for the over-achieving mom, or the stuck-to-a-routine mom, or the mom who wants to be superhuman. But I'd say it's a definite thumbs-up for the real mom, who sees imperfections with rose-tinted glasses. Cheers!

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I've linked this post with #coolmumclub 

Mummuddlingthrough

 

34 Responses

  1. nirupamaprv

    A friend recommended me the movie- she watched it with her mom… And now you write about it too!!! Now I have to watch it!! Great post as usual!

  2. motherhoodtherealdeal

    I haven't watched this yet and am so curious as have heard a lot about – it's great that even if it wasn't oscar winning it made you feel good! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xx

  3. Kirsten Toyne

    I have not seen this film yet but i do really think that the trying to be a perfect mother causes more problems than it solves. If we can be ourselves too then the stress levels go down and things get better. #coolmumclub

  4. alifeinpracticeblog.com

    I've been on the fence about this film, there's something about Mila Kunis' (incredibly) beautiful baby face that made me hesitant about being able to take her seriously as a mom of tweens (She still looks 18 to me!! Like Emma Watson in Noah, that messed with my brain!). I'm glad I read your review though, it really does sound like a film I'd enjoy, so I'll give it a go! x #coolmumclub

    • Nicole

      As a mum, it is so relatable and has a great message. Though I totally get what you mean by imagining Mila Kunis as a mom of tweens:)

  5. Angela Watling

    I wasn't sure about this film either. Part of me wanted to see it but another thought it looked a bit corny. Plus I'll get massive husband judgement if I watch it, so I have to be sure I want to… But you've sort of sold it to me actually. I'm not sure I'll make it to the cinema but I'll look out for it on Google Play for a lazy solo night in. Thanks for sharing your thoughts (and also some great points about motherhood too!) #CoolMumClub

  6. Gemma - Mummy's Waisted

    Yes, I love this film! It really echoes what I was like with my first born, trying to be a super mum, failing and giving up! Now I still have visions sometimes of being a floaty super mum, but usually life gets in the way #itsok

    • Nicole

      We are all super mums to our kids, we just don't need to be perfect ALL THE TIME to show it! Life will get in the way, and we are but humans! We need to take a chill pill sometimes too…

  7. Ian

    As an 'un-official' Mum in our household, I too treated myself to watching this film and agree with all your comments. Likewise, if I have managed to wash and keep the kids alive, I have succeeded in completing another good day #ItsOK

    • Nicole

      Well said Ian – as long as the kids are clean, fed, happy and loved, we've rocked another day of parenting!

  8. Kate - The Mum Conundrum

    Ooh I LOVE Bad Moms! Funnily enough I just made a blog cover featuring the fab three – that movie definitely conveys a lot of Mum feelings doesn't it. Clearly you're my kind of movie buddy! xxx #ItsOK

    • Nicole

      Guess because the movie is all about #imperfectparenting being #ok;)
      Here's to some movie dates sometime in the future!!!

    • Nicole

      Thanks… yes, I feel the wretched mumguilt all the time, but as you said we've just got to brush it away and get on with things. Life happens too…

  9. Mummyofasquarepeg

    I haven’t watched this film yet but it sounds like it would strike a chord with me too. With my first son I did beat myself up over his upbringing, not being able to breast feed, doing some weaning with pouches, not reading to him every night, not practising his spellings etc….then I had my second son who is autistic and all the things I worried about with my first child paled into insignificance and I’ve realised that it’s ok to not be perfect and just trying your best is good enough.

    • Nicole

      Ah, that's a lovely comment, thank you. I guess as first-time mums we do tend to over stress things, and it's only later that things fall into perspective. Doing your best is more than enough; to our kids, we are perfect anyways!

  10. Fi Anderson

    This film has been on my "must watch" list for quite some time too. Isn't there a sequel or two now?? I hate how Motherhood is sold to expectant parents as this amazing package deal that is all sunshine and daisies. When you realise it isn't all that, it does add to your self-doubt and Mums don't need more of that! Parenting is one of the hardest jobs on the planet and the downs shouldn't be downplayed. #itsok

    • Nicole

      I love this comment so much! Everything you've said is so so true. Motherhood is indeed amazing BUT it is not all sunshine as you said. It's a LOT of hard work, sacrifices, sleepless nights and mumguilt. And it's so important for mums to realise that #itsok to not be a 100 per cent all the time.

  11. chickenruby

    I don't think any of us are perfect. Just try to remember while you feel you're failing to achieve what others are, there are always other people looking at you thinking you're the perfect parent and they're failing compared to you #itsok

    • Nicole

      That's a lovely thing to remember. Thank you.
      Also, you might seem like a failure to yourself, but remember, you are everything and the 'world's best mum' to your child/ren. You are their entire world…

  12. Tracey Carr

    Absolutely, I think the minute you tell yourself that it's ok to not be the perfect mum all of the time, you immediately feel a big weight lifted off your shoulders. Perfection is exhausting! And you're right, it does have an effect on our kids. They pick up on the tension and the tired ratty moods. Take the pressure off and try to have some fun – hopefully we will all be a bit happier for it! #itsok

    • Nicole

      Love it, exactly! Parenting is exhausting enough, and if we strive to be perfect at every aspect of it, we would just end up crankier than our kids! It's essential to take the pressure off ourselves sometimes.

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