This Mother’s Day, let’s stop with the Mom-shaming!

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Shops are brimming with cards, flowers and gifts and restaurants are throwing ‘special offers’ at us. But after all the marketing gimmicks and that little bit of extra attention (and chocolates and wine) we mums get, what next? Does being a mother and all that comes with it actually change? Does the Mom-shaming stop?


Stop Mom-Shaming
If I had to sum up Motherhood in a word, I’d say it’s complex. An emotional rollercoaster. You experience a love so strong and deep and powerful, it almost scares you. Yet, sometimes, you want to just run away and hide from those tiny objects of affection. One minute you are cuddling and kissing your toddler; the next you’re almost pulling your hair out in frustration. Motherhood makes you experience a gamut of emotions all in a span of ten minutes – from ultimate bliss and pride to loneliness and frustration.

And then it’s so bloody exhausting. Physically, there are constant night-wakings for approximately the first two years of your baby’s life (double that if you have a second child). There’s no 9-5; it’s more from sun up to sun down. Running behind crawling baby, then running after racing toddler, then running from school to swimming to ballet, then running errands… mums are always running!


Emotionally, the Momguilt will get you, irrespective of whether you are a SAHM or a working mum. You will be judged nonetheless – as a mother, a wife, a career woman, a woman.

Which just goes to prove that Motherhood is a tough nut to crack. And when the terrible Mom-shaming occurs, it makes things even more difficult. Society shaming mums, strangers shaming mums, and the worst kind – mums shaming other mums. Really? Do you have it so good that you can afford to defame another mum? Has your child never driven you up the wall? Hasn’t your toddler ever thrown a public tantrum? No sleepless nights your end???

These, according to me, are the most common targets of Mom-shaming – AND THEY SHOULD JUST STOP. NOW.

The C-section 
Why are mums who haven’t had a natural birth looked upon as weak / vain / selfish? Whether it’s by choice or need, so what? What’s consequential is that you’ve created and nurtured a healthy baby for nine months, does it really matter how he or she comes out?

Again, an extension of the C-section shaming. Ok, breast is best and all but sometimes, it doesn’t happen. Babies refuse to latch (mine is a case in point); cracked nipples and mastitis hurt like hell; mum is beyond exhausted and cannot feed for hours at a stretch every two hours every night. No – bottle-feeding DOES NOT make you a lesser mum.

SAHM v/s Working Mum
This one’s a bummer, either ways you are judged. If you go back to work, some will question how you call yourself a mother, leaving your precious one-year-old in the care of strangers? If you choose to be a SAHM, you’re looked upon as taking the easy path, not juggling work and baby. And not contributing to the pot. Serious, just STOP with it and let us be!

TV as a babysitter
I salute the moms who haven’t introduced their little ones to the TV/ i-pad/ phone, or who haven’t used one of these mediums as a babysitter. Serious, pat on the back to you. But hey, it’s NOT THE END OF THE WORLD OR YOUR TODDLER’S EYESIGHT if you do, as long as you are monitoring the screen-time and what your toddler is watching. When you have two hands, a toddler and a newborn, dinner to make and a whole lotta stuff to get done, this is THE BEST BABYSITTER EVER. Besides, we all need our ‘chill-out’ time – toddlers included!

Weight and looks
This one’s so frivilous, it drives me up the wall. Moms who haven’t got rid of their pregnancy weight are ‘lazy’. LAZY? Hello… do you know how exhausting it is to look after a newborn 24-7??? We cannot afford to be lazy. We’re just too tired to exercise when we’ve had 4 hours of sleep since ever.

And so what if I sport mom jeans and a mom bun? I don’t have time for make-up, excuse me, somedays I don’t even have time for a bath! So stop judging and shaming me, instead help me by babysitting for a few hours!

mom bun


Meanwhile, here’s another post I wrote for Mother’s Day last year – What mums REALLY want on Mother’s Day. It’s another year, but I still want all these things…

Follow Tales from Mamaville on bloglovin too!

I’ve linked this post with these fab linkies


One Messy Mama

My Petit Canard

3 Little Buttons
Cuddle Fairy

76 Responses

  1. Tina Shroff

    Lovely post Nicole. Really people do need to stop judging and start helping. 

    • Nicole

      Thanks Tina… Any other instances of mom-shaming that come to mind? Do share…

  2. Rach

    BANG ON.  It makes me sick.  What's good enough for me, might not be for you SO WHAT. It's my life.  My child. My body.  Now naff off and worry about your own tits/kid/house etc. #globalblogging

  3. Lucy | Leaning In

    Yep, I agree. Why don't we all live and let live. In all honesty, I couldn't care less about other peoples opinions about how I raise my children. p.s. I love the hairdo pic! #globalblogging

    • Nicole

      Live and let live… if only people lived by that phrase, the world would be such a happier place! 

    • Nicole

      Thanks for the #mommitment link… it's a fab initiative and I'm signing up! You're so right, those who have the time to judge and comment must really be bored; would really be awesome if we helped each other out instead! Thanks for popping over…

    • Nicole

      Yes the WORST kind is mums shaming other mums. They've been through it/ are going through it so know it's not a piece of cake. YET they judge. Sick!

  4. Jeannette

    Standing ovation!  I get so tired of the mums who try to win popularity contests by trying to be so perfect.  I wish more mums would rather support each other in the choices that they each made.  #globalblogging

    • Nicole

      Thank you, and yes I agree with you. Motherhood should'nt be a popularity contest, rather we mums (especially) should support one another. Thanks for stopping by …

  5. Steph D

    You've no idea how good this post has made me feel. Despite the fact that I nearly died during childbirth I am still judged for the fact that I couldn't breast feed and why I hadn't yet lost the baby weight despite the fact that I could barely walk for weeks. Only now Baby D is eight months old am I still feeling more like myself. Thank you Again! #globalblogging xxx

    • Nicole

      That's terrible! I'm so sorry you had to go through this and well done on bouncing back. Guess it's easier said than done but try not to let other people's opinions affect you… YOU know what's best for YOUR baby and you will obvs do the right thing. Thanks for stopping by and good health and best wishes to you!

  6. Amy & Tots

    I never realised just how much bashing there was in the mum world until I became a mum. I know that people are always going to judge because we all have our opinions but we certainly need to stop voicing them to others and help support another mum instead! #GlobalBlogging

    • Nicole

      True. If you have an opinion, and it's not going to help another mum, just keep it to yourself!!!

  7. MomOfTwoLittleGirls

    Don't forget the whole baby wearing, or baby led weaning, or cry-it-out, dummies, home-schooling etc – The list is endless. If everyone listened to ALL the so called 'experts' we'd lose our minds! 


  8. Su {Ethan & Evelyn}

    I am so tried of mums / dads shaming each other. It is so old! Get a move on already! No one has time for that. We should be more supportive of each other not the other way around. Thank you for hosting. x #GlobalBlogging 

    • Nicole

      Get a move on already. No one has time for that… EXACTLY!!! Thanks for popping over…

  9. Jo - Mother of Teenagers

    Nicole live and let live is my motto.  I try not to judge others for the way they do things as everyone is different and there aren't any steadfast rules for parenting.  #GlobalBlogging

    • Nicole

      True, the world would be such a happier, nicer place if we all lived by this motto. Agree that everyone parents differently, but if you can't be supportive at least don't be mean! You're so right – there aren't (and shouldn't be) any steadfast rules for parenting. Thanks for reading:)

  10. Mrs Mummy Harris

    This is so good. I hate the mum judgement and feel like we need to support eachother rather than judge for how they choose to raise their kid. 

    ive both boob fed and bottle fed, ive stayed at home for 8 months and worked also. its ok to make choices that are best for your family. but people need to stop the judgement and let people get on with their own lives #globalblogging

    • Nicole

      The point you made about making choices that are best for your family is crucial in this case. What works for one mum/ family might not for another, so yes, let's stop judging and be more accepting instead.

  11. Helena

    I agree that mothers should not be shaming each other but listening to one another and empowering. #GlobalBlogging

    • Nicole

      Yes, even lending a ear would be so supportive and helpful. Thanks for popping over…

  12. jenny walters

    I genuinely haven't come across it,perhaps I'm thick skinned/ignorant but I wouldn't take any notice anyhow.You find judgemental women in all areas of life.Ive always tried my best at parenting even when I've messed up so that leaves me guilt free.#globalblogging

  13. One Messy Mama

    This is so true. We are all just doing our best to raise our treasure children the best way we can. It is a form of survival. I think my hair is in a "mom bun" 7 days a week… My poor husband 🙂 Thanks for co-hosting this week Nicole! It has been great having you join #globalblogging!!! 

    • Nicole

      Thank you for inviting me to co-host Jacqui, was a pleasure😄 and yes, you are so right, we are all doing our level best… so why not support rather than shame?

  14. MMT

    I'm with you! Time to build each other up – not tear each other down. Now THAT would be a Happy Mothers Day! 

    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub

    • Nicole

      Oh thank you, that's so sweet to hear. I'm glad you enjoyed reading. Thanks for stopping by, do come over again?;)

  15. Sarah

    Absolutely! Mom shaming is awful. I've found motherhood a test of my survival skills! The last thing I think about is what I look like or if I'm my 'ideal weight'. Another great blog. #StayClassyMama

    • Nicole

      Motherhood is a real test of survival skills, bang on! And we can definitely do without the judgement, no thank you!!! Thanks for the lovely comment

  16. Jo

    I think the key to stopping it is starting being kinder to ourselves. When we stop the harsh self talk and generally attacking our own parenting style, the judgment and shaming of others will go at the same time. #blogcrush

    • Nicole

      That is such a refreshing point, and yes, you have made a very important point here. Often, we are our own worst critics! Thanks for reading   

  17. Wendy

    YES to alll of this. I can't stand all the judging that goes on between mums, it really is no one else's business how someone chooses to raise their own child. Thanks for linking up to #BlogCrush xx

    • Nicole

      Exactly. What works for one family might not necessarily work for another. Each to his own

    • Nicole

      True. If we just supported one another a little more, everyone would be the better for it! Thanks for popping over…

  18. Lisa Pomerantz

    Why does motherhood not offer choices? We all take different roads and arrive at different conclusions. Embrace! Don't hate! #globalblogging xo

  19. Tracey @ mummyshire

    Oh yes, yes, yes and yes!!

    It's so true that sisterhood seems to go a bit astray when it comes to attitude towards motherhood.  I hate it when others judge and I've actually fallen out with a friend gym was a terrible mum shamer. Then I thought, if you're really like this you're not the person I want to hang with. We as women don't need frienenemies – there are enough struggles being a woman as it is!

    Good post 


    • Nicole

      Thanks so much:) Yes, being a woman and a mother has its own set of difficulties. We've got no time or space for frenemies. Love your line about how sisterhood goes astray when it comes to motherhood… sad but often true. 

  20. Rachel

    Yes! So much love for this! I had an emergency c-section, stopped breastfeeding after 5 weeks, and put my son into nursery at 8 months when I went back to work part time. Does any of that make me better or worse than other mums? Hell no! We all lead different lifestyles, have different opinions, and make different choices. All that matters is that our children are growing up healthy and loved, and learning in an unbiased, non-judgemental way.

    • Nicole

      You made a very valid point… we mums always feel we need to justify our decisions. We always feel we are being judged. And that's probably because we always are! 

  21. My Petit Canard

    Great post! Motherhood is definitely the most challenging life experience ever and mum shaming doesnt help anyone. The way I always think of it, is that you can't tell when kids are in primary school, secondary school or university whether they were a c section baby or natural birth baby, whether they were breast or bottle fed and so on! Emily #GlobalBlogging

    • Nicole

      Thanks so much Emily. Yes, you are so right… a child is a child, irrespective of whether he/she has been breastfed/ bottlefed etc etc… they all grow up to be alike, don't they?

  22. Rawmum

    I'm thinking about having a 'help me' board at home where I can write up things that I would appreciate help with when people come around. Perhaps even a tongue in cheek reward system. One load of washing = hug with baby, hoovering up = hug with baby…


  23. The Tale of Mummyhood

    Mum shaming should definitely stop.  People are so quick to judge and pull others down, but what we should be doing is sticking together in this parenting game!   Thanks so much for sharing such an important post with #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

    • Nicole

      Glad you liked it, and yes I'm glad we are all talking about it. Acknowledging the problem is the first step in solving it.

  24. Jenn @ Mad Mommy

    Mom-shaming is such a stupid thing. We have all experienced it in one way or another. It is one of the worst forms of adult bullying. #Blogstravaganza

    • Nicole

      Adult bullying, that's an apt word for it! Thanks for popping over…

  25. mainy

    The days are so gone of where anyone should dare to shame others. It's fight back time.



    • Nicole

      Yes, support one another and fight mom-shaming and other things that demoralise mums. Thanks for reading

  26. The Mum Project

    Love this post as you have made so many important points here! The working mum shame happens to me sometimes although luckily everyone is mostly feeling bad for me because I don't get to be with Bear, but at the same time they shouldn't feel bad I made this decision and I see him after work and on the weekends so even that is a bit frustrating. The other one that gets to me is the breastfeeding debate, can't believe how judgemental people can be on a very personal choice. Love your honesty and thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

    • Nicole

      So glad you liked the post Meagan… yes, it's so sad (and ridiculous) how quick people judge (especially other mums) on personal choices. Bringing up a child isn't a textbook application, you've got to do what works for you, your child and your family. There is no black and white.

  27. Annette, 3 Little Buttons

    Yes, exactly this. There is far, far, far too much mummy shaming going on. I still can't understand why parents do this to each other. Thank you for sharing with the #DreamTeam. Hope you had a fab Mother's Day xx

    • Nicole

      Thanks Annette… yes, it baffles me too how mums (especially) can be so judgemental. Don't we all go through the same parenting trials and tribulations?

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