A Mum’s guide to winning the (M)olympics
Here’s a thought. I think there should be a sports competition just for mums. No, not because we love to exercise but because we run, long jump, wrestle and weightlift anyways. Everyday. Plus we have an immense amount of endurance.
You see, looking after a toddler 24/7 is no mean feat. We are always on the run (either chasing them or literally running somewhere because we are late); we are constantly lifting toddler or his stuff; we are wrestling with them to eat/ sleep/ sit in one place or we are jumping around (either in muddy puddles aka Peppa Pig or to avoid stepping on scattered toys all over the house). Pretty sporty, don’t you think?
So, here are 10 sports that all mums can excel in at the Mom Olympics or Molympics. Yes, I just coined that term.
1. The ‘Give-It-All-You’ve-Got’ Push
It starts with childbirth. The pushing, the sweating, the screaming… quite an Olympian feat indeed. If nothing else, we’d win a gold for endurance here!
Mums are ALWAYS lifting someone or something.
First it’s baby – from the cot, from the carseat, from the buggy, from the highchair.
Then it’s toddler – some of the above and then him when he refuses to walk. Plus his nappy bag. And your groceries. And his toy.
Then it’s the three-year-old – this lift is intense shit. It’s called the ‘deadlift’. It is a stage of tantruming where your child arches his back while sprawled across the floor and somehow puts on 15 kilos – it’s IMPOSSIBLE to pick him up or hold onto him at this point. Bonus points for trying.
To apply sunscreen, to make them eat veggies, during a headbath, when attempting to lift them up during a ‘deadlift’ scenario… we mums have loads of practice in this department.
4. Long-Jump, also known as the ‘Lego Long Jump’
Every mum will have experienced the excruciating pain that an innocent-looking piece of lego can inflict when stepped upon. After that first, second, third time, we become extra careful. We look around suspiciously for that one piece that lurks there, waiting to hurt us. And if we happen to see it at the last second, we strategically stretch our legs and jump over it, in what we have now mastered as the ‘Lego Long Jump’.
5. Freestyle Diving
Another sport-related skill we have mastered – diving. No, not in an actual swimming pool but everywhere else. Diving to stop the bowl of cereal or glass of milk from falling from the highchair, courtesy the baby’s immense love of flinging everything from the highchair. We dive to hold onto our favourite glass vase that toddler has knocked over from the shelf – damn, when did he start reaching there?! And because these dives are spontaneous, we like to call it ‘Freestyle Diving’.
6. Brisk Walking (often leading to Running)
Mums walk and run a lot.
Either we’re always late courtesy baby who poo-ed just as we were leaving the house or toddler who decided to have the day’s biggest tantrum at the doorstep. Leading to running to our destination.
Or we are running behind our toddler who has decided to chase a squirrel across the park.
Or – and this is a nasty one – we are scurrying to find a loo because he needs to pee NOW!
Point is, we are almost always brisk walking or running!
7. Squats, Bends and Lift-me-ups
Let’s face it, as a mum we spend at least 70 per cent of the day on the floor – either squatting to find something (pacifiers, that one missing piece of the puzzle, the damned lego man) or bending to pick something up (all of the above once we find it, food crumbs, toys that have not been tidied up). And the other 30 per cent is spent in lifting – either our babies or toddlers or their paraphernalia (toys, buggies, car-seats). So we pretty much could ace this category too.
(Though with all that bending, I wonder why we don’t have fab abs?!!!)
We mums are always on the
8. The Javelin Dodge
This is the opposite of a Javelin throw, which our littles are perfect at. It could be a toy thrown at us when they’re angry, a book in our face when asking us to read to them, a ball gone astray and straight into our eye while playing catch or a sock on our head just because. Oh and yes, a pee in our mouth during nappy change. Whilst our toddlers javelin throw any and everything at us, we have perfected the art of dodging.
If not participating in an actual sport, we mums could very well be excellent referees. Managing sibling fights and playdate battles becomes a part and parcel of our motherhood skills.
10. Minimal Sleep-Maximum Output
And last but not the least, we should all get an award for excelling in the MSMO department – Minimal Sleep-Maximum Output. No matter how sleep-deprived we are, no matter that we’ve not had a restful night’s sleep in
months years, no matter that we need lots of coffee to keep us going, we still do everything that needs to be done (as a mum) and then some more!
PS: The gold, silver and bronze winners get a day at the spa, wine and cake respectively. All participants get a week of uninterrupted sleep.
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