The emotional rollercoaster called Motherhood…

I’m missing Little Man. A lot. So I pick up my phone and see some of his photos. And videos. I laugh aloud at the one where he’s parading around the house with his Ninja Turtle towel on his head, like a cape. I go on to hear a couple of recordings – him flipping through daddy’s  Top Gear magazine exclaiming ‘Wow! Wow! Wow!’ at every car (such a boy thing, but we’ll get to that in another post); singing the title song of Postman Pat (his current favourite cartoon) and making the sound of a fire engine. Nino Nino Nino.

I suddenly realise there are tears in my eyes. I am actually crying. But I don’t want to stop… I scroll down to one of his earliest recordings – the first time he said ‘Mamma’. It brings a smile to my face, amidst the tears. I kiss the phone.

I’ve been waiting for this day since a while now. Little Man’s first day at nursery. I confess here – enrolling him at nursery is as much for me than it is for him. Or maybe 60/40. Perhaps even 70/30. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE MY SON more than I could ever express, but as most new mothers will agree, we need some down-time. Me-time. Alone-time. Adult-time. A day of listening to real music instead of ‘Wheels on the Bus’ (I must’ve heard/ made up every possible variation of that nursery rhyme!). A day of normalcy to feel just a bit sane again.


And finally, here I was. Free. For the next eight hours. No nappies to change, no tantrums to appease. Just me and my time, my preferences. Yet, instead of putting on my dancing shoes (ok, a bit much for 9 am!) or cosying up under the blanket for something else I craved – uninterrupted sleep – here I was missing my baby and seeing his pictures and videos! I realised yet again how intrinsic a part of my life my son has become, and how, whatever I do or wherever I go, he will always be my first priority. That’s Motherhood. And it’s beautiful…

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I’ve linked this post with #justanotherlinky





  1. Sharin

    I absolutely loved reading your blog and looking forward to reading some more. I can so relate to whatever you’ve written. Good job first-time mommy:)

    1. Nicole

      Thanks Sharin:) guess all we mums can ‘relate’ to certain emotions. Glad it struck a chord:)

  2. Rashida

    AAHHH. .reminds me of my days.. My over enthusiasm about starting school, then missing my baby terribly.. No lessons taught in life are as overwhelming as the lessons you learn everyday in motherhood. … keep writing. .

  3. Rita Pujji

    Nicole your blog takes me back 35 years when I first became a mom.I loved reading about the ‘little man’s’ antics . looking forward to more.Way to go.

    1. Nicole

      🙂 thank you. There’ll definitely be lots more coming up!!!

  4. Devanshi

    Nice Nicole, can so relate to it, reliving it with my second one now! Some days can’t wait to start working full time and other days want time to stop still 🙂

    1. Nicole

      Yes Devanshi… motherhood is a real rollercoaster of emotions, feelings, highs and lows, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing! Enjoy it:)

  5. Lianne Thebrunettesays (TheBrunetteSays)

    Aw I can totally relate to this, my little man started at the childminder last week, I work from home but like you, I’m doing it for him, for a bit of independence as he’s very attached to me! #justanotherlinky

    1. Nicole

      Yes its tough isn’t it? We just want some time to ourselves but then miss them the minute they’re not around! When Little Man was a baby, I used to wait for his naptime some (exhausting) days, then miss him so much I’d wait for him to wake up!!! Lol

  6. Nicole

    Thank you so much. Do subscribe to the blog or follow me on Facebook or Twitter or Bloglovin. Cheers

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  9. Nirupama

    Wow! So truthfully and beautifully expressed!

    1. Nicole

      Thanks so much Nirupama

  10. Helen Copson

    Oh it makes me want to cry too! I’m sure you were totally over it within a week and loved your down-time, but I was the same the first day I sent Thomas to pre-school as he’d always been home with me. Now I can’t wait to ship him off. Annoyingly the other two are still at home 🙂 #ItsOK

    1. Nicole

      It was mixed feelings for a long time Helen but yes, I soon got over the tears and enjoyed hot cuppas and hours of me-time. I still miss him sometimes he’s at school, but I snap out of it before it’s time to pick him up!;)

  11. Ian

    I loved reading this, I’m glad it wasn’t just me. Although my youngest is 8 now, I still remember the feeling when she started nursery. Those few hours meant the world. To begin with I felt guilty about it. As time went and I started a little business too fit around school/nursery runs I came to appreciate the time more and more.

    1. Nicole

      Yes, so true, first it’s tears and guilt, but we soon learn to enjoy our time and make the most of it. Thanks for joining us on the #itsok linky

  12. Kate - The Mum Conundrum

    Oh I’m sitting here with ALL THE FEELS now! Phoebe has one more year until she’s old enough for nursery, and as my third and last I feel these conflicting feelings so much! Lovely, lovely post xxx #ItsOK xxx

    1. Nicole

      Thanks Kate, this was my FIRST post and a special one:) I can imagine your feelings knowing this will be your last ‘first’…

  13. Raisie Bay (@RaisieBay)

    Yes, this is motherhood in a nutshell. I remember when my girl first started nursery, the building was actually at the bottom of our garden and when they were outside I’d stand in the garden to see if I could hear her. She’s in year 9 now so I’m kind of used to it, anyway, it would be a bit weird hanging around outside a secondary school to see if I could hear her 🙂

    1. Nicole

      Hahaha, that would be weird;) But I get you… I’d probably also hang around waiting to hear/see my son if his school was so close!

  14. Enda Sheppard

    Yeah, so true … my wife and I escape for an odd meal out together, and who do we talk about most of the time … not Theresa May or Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, the kids!!!! #ItsOK

    1. Nicole

      YES TO THAT! I do that every time Hubster and I get some time alone, and he has to remind me that this is ‘our’ time!

  15. Tracey Carr

    It’s so true. I was just thinking about this yesterday. My daughter is due to start pre-school this coming September and just the thoughts of it leaves a knot in my stomach. A part of me wants the free time to myself to badly but then I cannot imagine the idea of not having her with me. Completely torn! And as a mum this is the way it will always be #itsok

    1. Nicole

      This was my first post, when my son was 2… he is now 5. It does get better with time, you get used to them not being around all the time and even enjoy the alone time. But there are days when I STILL miss him and watch his videos/ pictures on my phone. And then groan as it’s almost time to pick him up… a real emotional rollercoaster and as you said, as a mum, it will always be!

  16. Crummy Mummy

    I find the silence deafening when the kids aren’t at home – typical! #itsok

    1. Nicole

      It’s so weird, isn’t it? When the TV’s blaring and the kid/s are shouting, we crave peace. And then when we have peace, we miss their noise!

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