The emotional rollercoaster called Motherhood…

posted in: The Learning Curve | 15

I’m missing Little Man. A lot. So I pick up my phone and see some of his photos. And videos. I laugh aloud at the one where he’s parading around the house with his Ninja Turtle towel on his head, like a cape. I go on to hear a couple of recordings – him flipping through daddy's  Top Gear magazine exclaiming ‘Wow! Wow! Wow!’ at every car (such a boy thing, but we’ll get to that in another post); singing the title song of Postman Pat (his current favourite cartoon) and making the sound of a fire engine. Nino Nino Nino.

I suddenly realise there are tears in my eyes. I am actually crying. But I don’t want to stop… I scroll down to one of his earliest recordings – the first time he said ‘Mamma’. It brings a smile to my face, amidst the tears. I kiss the phone.

I’ve been waiting for this day since a while now. Little Man’s first day at nursery. I confess here – enrolling him at nursery is as much for me than it is for him. Or maybe 60/40. Perhaps even 70/30. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE MY SON more than I could ever express, but as most new mothers will agree, we need some down-time. Me-time. Alone-time. Adult-time. A day of listening to real music instead of 'Wheels on the Bus' (I must’ve heard/ made up every possible variation of that nursery rhyme!). A day of normalcy to feel just a bit sane again.


And finally, here I was. Free. For the next eight hours. No nappies to change, no tantrums to appease. Just me and my time, my preferences. Yet, instead of putting on my dancing shoes (ok, a bit much for 9 am!) or cosying up under the blanket for something else I craved – uninterrupted sleep – here I was missing my baby and seeing his pictures and videos! I realised yet again how intrinsic a part of my life my son has become, and how, whatever I do or wherever I go, he will always be my first priority. That’s Motherhood. And it’s beautiful…

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15 Responses

  1. Sharin

    I absolutely loved reading your blog and looking forward to reading some more. I can so relate to whatever you've written. Good job first-time mommy:)

  2. Rashida

    AAHHH. .reminds me of my days.. My over enthusiasm about starting school, then missing my baby terribly.. No lessons taught in life are as overwhelming as the lessons you learn everyday in motherhood. … keep writing. .

  3. Rita Pujji

    Nicole your blog takes me back 35 years when I first became a mom.I loved reading about the 'little man's' antics . looking forward to more.Way to go.

  4. Devanshi

    Nice Nicole, can so relate to it, reliving it with my second one now! Some days can't wait to start working full time and other days want time to stop still 🙂

    • Nicole

      Yes Devanshi… motherhood is a real rollercoaster of emotions, feelings, highs and lows, isn't it? Thanks for sharing! Enjoy it:)

    • Nicole

      Yes its tough isn't it? We just want some time to ourselves but then miss them the minute they're not around! When Little Man was a baby, I used to wait for his naptime some (exhausting) days, then miss him so much I'd wait for him to wake up!!! Lol

  5. Nicole

    Thank you so much. Do subscribe to the blog or follow me on Facebook or Twitter or Bloglovin. Cheers

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