Do you just not want to be touched?

Motherhood is a strange experience. On the one hand, we melt at the very thought of our children, go to any lengths to keep them safe and happy, make sacrifices that we've never made before and miss the noisy monsters angels the second they are out of sight.

YET

We often want a day ALONE, with no kids to care for, no bums to wipe or food scraps to pick up. No cartoons on, no appeasing little unreasonable human beings. That's motherhood for you, full of contradictions. (Read 'The Emotional Rollercoaster called Motherhood' to know exactly what I mean).

Now I'm not saying that working mums have it easier (mums are mums, period) but being a SAHM myself, I know that sometimes it just gets a bit too much. Baby latched to your breast every other hour, toddler clinging to your leg or watching you pee (read this post for a relatable chuckle: Skip to the loo, my darling), kids climbing all over you while you try to write one blog post… and then at the end of a long day when the kids are FINALLY in bed, our husbands want a piece of us.

Don't you just feel like shouting ENOUGH!!! Just give me my space, my body back, just for 10 minutes!

I admit, I often feel this way (much to Hubster's dislike) and often read other mums posts/ comments on this, so I thought of integrating it into a post. I put the question out there – Do you feel 'touched out' at the end of a long day of mothering, and just want to be left alone? Do you feel terrible about it? Like when your husband wants to cuddle and sleep but you want your space. Or your kiddo wants to sit on your lap and you refuse?

And the answers were a unanimous, resounding YES!!!

 

Alice 

Urgh yes – often! I love my husband and so want quality time with him but am all physical contact out by the end of a day with my kids. Need a little something left for you sometimes.

Emma from Emma Reed

I remember when I was breastfeeding my first that I never wanted to be touched much. The last thing I felt like was getting frisky in bed at night! I just wanted to be left alone to have space and sleep. Once you’ve had a baby hanging off you all day you do appreciate those alone times.

Emily from A Slummy Mummy

I have been breastfeeding and/or pregnant for nearly 6 years, sometimes it's like everyone wants a piece of you! Beyond feeling touched out is aversion, a real primal instinct to throw yourself free from physical touch and run far away…. when I have that I can't even cope with the brush of a hand on my arm. I love my children and my husband by oh my I'd like my body back one day.

Jennie from Rice Cakes and Raisins

I really struggle with this, I'm quite introverted and by the end of the day I feel so touched out it can feel like torture once I get past a certain point. It's very hard to explain!

Victoria from The Growing Mum

I went through this for night feeds at some point. I recoiled every time little one latched at night. I felt really awful and selfish. I tried thinking of other things during night feeds but most of the time that didn't work. The lack of sleep didn't help either.

Christy from The Welsh Mum

I'm very introverted and it can be really hard to be surrounded by a little one all day long and then have your partner come home and want attention. I need a little gap even if just an hour to myself between the two to recharge! As a couple we've compromised and by giving me that space I need, we end up with higher quality time together even though there's less of it. I don't feel guilty with my husband as he understands – but when my son just wants to be held all day and my arms are aching and I just want to put him down, have a cup of tea and read a book for half hour, I do feel very guilty, as he has no concept of why mummy doesn't want another 8 hours of hugs right now.

Georgina from Pixie Does

Yes I get like that – mostly with my 3-year-old and I feel awful for it. It’s not often – but we have a four-seater sofa, plenty of space on it, but my 3-year-old sits nestled up to me, leaving a huge space by the hubby. I’ll have the baby on me too and just want to not have another child hanging off me for 5 minutes. I get really overwhelmed by the constant clinginess.

Louise from The Pear Bear

Yes definitely, I can relate to this, I want everyone to leave me alone by the end of the day. My kids are older now, and in school so I don't get so touched out by them but I think it's more noise these days, I get used to the peace and it gets so noisy after school that I just have no talk left by the end of the evening. I do feel bad on my husband but equally I'm entitled to quiet.

Becci from The Unnatural Mother

I changed jobs in the summer which means I now work from home and my daughter is at home with me. After a full day of being followed around the house and having no privacy, all I wanted to do when she goes to bed is sit in the front room on my own. My poor husband understands but I do feel sorry for him but at the same time I just need a couple of hours alone to recharge for the next day of follow my leader.

 

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32 Responses

  1. Aleena Brown

    It’s sooooo good to hear other mums say this! I’m quite an introvert like Christy and I feel bad for my fiancé but most evenings all I want to do is hide away from the world! Brill post xx

    • Nicole

      Thanks Aleena. Yes it does feel good to know most mums feel like this… guess it reduces the wretched mom-guilt a wee bit!

  2. Kate

    Oh Dear God Yes!!! I have three small monkeys vying for my attention and I have been known to shut myself in the larder for 5 minutes just to get everyone the hell off me during frantic days… Husband was often sulky about it but frankly I would rather have the sulk than surrender. Thankfully, once they get a wee bit older and school and nursery days bring a bit of respite it does get easier (and your husband will be eternally grateful!) great post xxx #coolmumclub

  3. MMT

    I swear there isn't an evening that goes by where I don't lose my shit with the cat – who magically appears and wants to sit on my lap as soon as I have got the kids to bed! And then the hubby asks me to rub his feet…no prizes to guessing the answer!
    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub

  4. Gemma - Mummy's Waisted

    Absolutely! My daughter likes to play with my hair whenever I'm near here, and sometimes I just (gently) whack her hand out of the way! I'm sure I'll miss it when she stops doing it one day though #itsok

    • Nicole

      I totally get this. My little fellow smothers me with hugs and kisses (which I ABSOLUTELY LOVE), but sometimes I just want a little breathing space. But I know I'll miss these one day…

  5. Sons Over the Yardarm

    I totally get this! I would never have thought it possible that one day my child would come up to me and say "cuddle?" and I've inwardly grown. Mostly, the cuddles are the best bit of owning children (that and always having fish fingers in the freezer), but just sometimes I want to tell them to sod off and wrap their sticky paws round someone else!

    • Nicole

      Hahaha, love this comment so much "sod off and wrap their sticky paws round someone else" genius!!! But I get you. As much as I love the cuddles and hugs, sometimes, just sometimes I want time out.
      PS: Huge bonus always having fish fingers in the freezer!!!

  6. kate

    This is still so relevant to me now! Baby #3 is 18 months and pretty clingy at times, and both my 7 and 5 year old often fight to be on my lap on the sofa as it is. I'm still partial to hiding in the larder! xxx #itsok

    • Nicole

      18 months – ah that's a clingy stage. Hope you get a bit of a breather soon Kate;) (Though, it's commendable your 7 year old still wants to sit on your lap and be hugged – enjoy these moments too coz one day they won't want to even sit in the same room as us – boohoo!!!). Thanks for commenting again honey…

  7. Kerry Thomas

    I hear ya. Sometimes I want to lock myself in the toilet and just stay there for the night. It would be great to go to the toilet alone and not have my toddler asking if I'm finished ha. Or even get dressed without her climbing on my back. By the time hubby comes home and wants a cuddle I'm like the hulk, touch me and rahhhhhh. Xx #itsok

    • Nicole

      Stay in the toilet for the night – now that's an idea! And I get you about the HULK bit – I'm so snappy too!!! Thanks for joining us at #itsok

    • Nicole

      Lovely and annoying – you said it Claire! While I crave my personal space, I know my little fella won't want to cuddle me when he's older:( Thanks for linking up with #itsok

  8. Kayleigh (Mini Human Resources)

    It’s so good to hear other mums feel like this too! The breastfeeding has definitely made the whole touched out thing more of an issue for me too! Poor hubby, maybe I’ll let him know that there are many other hubbys up and down the country feeling his pain! 🙂 #itsok

    • Nicole

      Yes, we should start a support group for dads that want touch, but can't get it lol! But on a more serious note, it is draining for us mums, especially during the breastfeeding/ clingy stages. Thanks for linking up with us again love.

    • Nicole

      Ah thanks for that comment Rachel. And thanks for joining us at #itsok

  9. jeremy-thirstydaddy

    my wife and I arranged our work schedules so that we never had to worry about day care. It leads to us not having much time together and different sleep schedules. It was nice for a while to have that time, but we currently have separate bedrooms, so there is definitely a balance to be found that we weren't able to #itsok

    • Nicole

      Yes, it's so tough finding a balance between spending time with your kid/s, alone time as a couple and the much-needed time to yourself. Thanks for linking up with us at #itsok

  10. Samm

    I'm breastfeeding my little one and the last few weeks I've been really struggling at night. I'm getting serious aversions where I just want to push her off me. The night feeds seem to last for ages, rather than the five minute none events they've become in the day. I think it's tiredness causing it, as I've felt it before in the night, but it's really bad currently. I hate feeling that way as it seems so selfish somehow and I love cuddling my babe close but I can't help it. I'm hoping it's something that passes soon.

    • Nicole

      It definitely is a phase love… breastfeeding is beautiful but it can be very exhausting and restricting. Especially when you're awake night after night with a baby feeding off you! It's ok to feel touched out, don't let the guilt get you down. It's just the exhaustion… hope it passes soon. Thanks for linking up with us at #itsok

    • Nicole

      Agree, a little time off from the kids and the routine does wonders to re-charge us. We need it; we are humans too.

  11. Noleen Miller

    Yip I felt like this with my second baby. I just want my body back – I wanted an end to boob latching, the clinginess and I just wanted time out. I can tell you one thing for sure I was super glad when my maternity leave was over. I my life could slightly return to normality even just for a few hours #itsok

    • Nicole

      Thanks for sharing your honest feelings Noleen. Yes, #itsok for us to want our bodies back (no disrespect to breastfeeding), to want some alone-time and to want some part of our lives-before-baby back. We love our kid/s to death, but we have other likes and interests besides parenting!

  12. Danielle Parker

    So true! Sometimes you just have to have some personal space again, and that's nothing to be guilty of. I regularly hide in the toilet with my headphones on for 5 minutes of peace 😀

    • Nicole

      The loo is my safe place to check FB and Twitter – till Little Man finds me;)

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