Overheard: Seven common school-run conversations

 

Once your toddler progresses to a pre-schooler, it begins. No, not the tantrums – (those begin at the brink of turning two) – but the equally-dreaded school run. It's something you will have to face every morning and every afternoon for the next decade or so (depending on the number of kids you have).

Come rain or shine, it has to be done. Whether you are among the luckier mums who always manage to find a parking space close to the school gates, or the 'damn, not again' mums who have to park miles away, it has to be done. It doesn't matter if your kid is skipping to school, happy as can be, or is whining all the way asking for the 800th time that morning why he cannot stay at home, it has to be done. So – to add a bit of fun into this otherwise mundane task, I keep my ears and eyes open and take in all the humour (if I can call it that, at all us mums' expense) of the SCHOOL RUN! These are the seven typical conversations you will hear during the rush hour…

 


MORNING – DROP-OFF

The hurry up, we're late – again! conversation

This is a given. Every morning. At every household. At the doorstep. And all the way to school. Nothing more needs to be said.

The keep your coat on conversation

Question: Do children have skin? Sensation? Only asking because while it's raining and freezing outside and mums are covered in coats and scarves and grumpy faces, the littles are without jacket/ scarf/ gloves and seem to be feeling just fine! You will hear at least five mums shouting every morning: "KEEP YOUR COAT ON OR YOU WILL FALL SICK (and then you will have to stay home and I will not get my few hours of sanity")

The 'because every child MUST go to school' conversation

Child dragging feet along slowly.
Mother pushing baby in buggy and simultaneously pulling dragging-feet child along. Trying to walk as fast as she can because, well, we're late – again!
After the keep your coat on fiasco, it begins.

Child: I don't want to go to school
Mother: But you must
Child: But why?
Mother: Because all children go to school (otherwise all mothers would end up in mental asylums)
Child: But why?
Mother: So that they can learn new things, make new friends (and so that all mothers can have at least ONE cup of hot coffee)
Child: But…
Mother: YOU MUST GO!!!

AFTERNOON – PICK-UP

The 'How was school today?' conversation

So, how was school today?
Ok.
Just ok? What did you do?
Nothing.
Nothing? For the whole time? I'm sure you must've learnt something…
I don't want to tell you now.
(But will open up and tell all five minutes before bedtime. Every. Single. Night.)

The all-important lunch-time conversation

Little kids talking about what they ate for lunch, and mums with aghast faces at the weird combinations their kids just ingested.
Then when the topic moves to desserts, mums faces drooling a bit – chocolate pudding again? Fruit crumble? I want some too…

The arts and crafts conversation

Every mum-on-the-school run will be seen carrying school bag/ a bunch of papers that their tots have randomly painted on through the day / a big cardboard-type thing which looks like god knows what but is supposed to be a spaceship / a scooter – and double all that if you have more than one kid!

Between the pile of stuff, mum tries to first figure out what the hell that cardboard-type thing is, and then applaud her genius child for his or her lovely creation.

So, what is this lovely thing you made today darling?
You guess…
(Sighs) Oh dear!
Is it a… a… box?
Nope
A car? That hasn't been invented yet?
Nope
A… a…. why don't you tell me love…
It's a spaceship Mum, can't you see?
A SPACESHIP! That was my next guess. It's awesome!!! (Makes mental note of when would be a good time to throw it in the trash without child noticing its gone)

The stop, STOP, I SAID STOP shouts

Kids going to school – trudging along (see point 3 above).
Kids returning from school – scooting along at Usain Bolt speed.
Not looking back to see if Mum is there. Not bothering to stop when Mum shouts…

Mum calls child's name.
Mum calls child's name again.
Mum calls child's name, this time a little louder, with a STOP.
STOP XYZ.
XYZ, I said STOP.
(Starts running towards child)
XYZ STOOOOOOOOP….

So, there they are, the most common conversations you will hear if you ever do the school run. Do you have any more to add?

 

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34 Responses

  1. Tia

    Very true and interesting lol my daughter just started pre school. I like how they have a "No shush" policy. Basically where they let the kids explore their minds and freely talk and get noisy. They feel it expresses who they are. Ofcourse being around other kids and picking up bath habits make me want to pull her out of school 😓

  2. Neha @growingwithnemit

    Loved your writing style, how aptly you placed humour bits, totally enjoyed reading it. My son has not yet started school but I am gearing myself to experience this and everything weird in coming years. Keep writing!!!

    • Nicole

      Thanks so much for your kind comments Neha… I’m so glad you’re enjoying my blog.
      Oh you have lots to look forward to in the coming years – enjoy:)

    • Nicole

      Lol…Hurry up, we're late must DEFINITELY be one of them;) Thanks for popping over!

  3. Emma Island Living 365

    Ahahaha, the how was school conversation. Every. Single. Sodding. Day. I overheard a conversation the other day between two mums – one was lamenting how her big cock was ravaged. I might have snorted through my nose, onlyto be told that they were talking about their cockerel being attacked by a dog. That was awkward. I looked like an unsympathetic mum with a dirty mind. Whoops. #FridayFrolics

    • Nicole

      That has to be the funniest thing one hears on the school run. And most awkward too😶😶😶

  4. Silly Mummy

    Just finished my first 6 weeks of school run, and I think I've done most of these. My youngest won't wear her coat when taking eldest to school. Eldest will only wear coat or cardigan, not both, even for two minutes to get into school, because messing around taking clothing on and off is much more efficient! Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics

    • Nicole

      Ah, the joys of the school run – love it or hate it, you can't ignore it!!!

  5. Nita

    I haven't experienced the school run yet, but I'm actually looking forward to it (I know I will regret saying this!). For nursery, we do ocassioanlly, tell him to hurry up, keep the coat on and definitely STOP! #blogstravaganza

    • Nicole

      All the best when you do start the school run:) Let me know if you have any other conversations when you do;) Thanks for popping over…

  6. mums' army

    This is great! I have just started this hell, after 2 days I proclaimed to my friend that I hated the school run! I had this romantic notion of the walk to school and I thought it would be really nice for me and my younger son to walk everyday and take his older brother…. nope its horrific for all the reasons you say… oh well only another 18 years to go xx #blogstravaganza

    • Nicole

      Hahaha, reading that comment was hilarious. I know exactly what you mean though… it's SO NOT FUN!!! But just another 18 years more as you say;) Thanks for reading…

  7. Muffin top mummy

    Hahaha yep, we had to practically run to school every morning as we were so late when I was young. Looking forward to these conversations when my little one is older! Thank you for linking with #blogstravaganza

  8. Alice

    Oh my god, this had me laughing out loud! It's so bloody true, all of it! Brilliant. I'm the mum who yells "STOP" a hundred times thanks to a lunatic 4 year old, the arts and crafts guesswork mum because my daughter loves making "art" and most definitely the mum who freaks out at the mere thought that one of them might be ill and will have to stay off school and severely damage my mental health!

    • Nicole

      Hahaha Alice, your comment made me laugh out loud!!! "Severely damage my mental health" – that's a brilliant line:) Thanks for popping over!

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