Mumspeak: A glossary of mum-only words
Every sect/cult/group has its own lingo. Even babies and toddlers (yeah, really, read about that here). So why should mums – that large group of women who can be identified by dark circles, spit-up stained clothes, greasy hair and a perpetual look of tiredness on their faces – not have their own dictionary?
Here’s a list of words that only mums use/ can understand and relate to.
In simple terms, a poo of tsunami-like proportions. The nappy exploding kind that leaks out onto baby, the bed, the ceiling, and you.
Self-explanatory, really. Here a tantrum, there a tantrum, everywhere a tantrum tantrum…
A continuation of the Terrible Twos, only with stronger willpower and opinions. Basically, your three year old plays up like a teenager – moody, nasty, snappy, whining.
The definition of that being: A mom who is beyond exhausted but stays up late anyhow since it’s her only opportunity for kid-free time. We’re all guilty of being Walking Dead
DD, DH and other Mumsnet/Netmums lingo
Read a discussion thread on popular mum websites like mumsnet and netmums and you are bound to come across acronyms such as DD and OH. Here’s what they stand for:
DD – Darling/ Dear Daughter
DH – Darling/Dear Husband
DS – Darling/Dear Son
EBF – Exclusively Breastfeeding
SAHM – Stay at home mom
MW – Midwife
OH – Other Half
PFB – Precious First Born
PMSL – Piss myself laughing
For a detailed list, click here.
Yes it’s a thing. And a darn nasty one at that. As if sleep wasn’t an issue with newborns/ babies/toddlers, the various phases (yes there are many) of sleep regression just take it to a whole new sunken level!
For the still clueless, a sleep regression is when your baby or toddler who has been sleeping through the night suddenly starts middle-of-the-night wakings, early risings, fussing during naptime or altogether skipping naps. This torture could last anywhere from one week to one month (depending on the sins you committed in your previous lifetime).
You usually don’t learn of this term till you’re a sleep-deprived mom.
Jumping in Muddy Puddles
If you have a toddler, you will be familiar with Peppa Pig. And if you are familiar with Peppa Pig, you will undoubtedly know the phrase ‘Jumping in Muddy Puddles’!!!
It exists. I’m proof. Not that I’m absent-minded or any such thing, but when you lack sleep, are on an overdose of caffeine, talk in a shrill-pitched baby tone for more than six months, sing ‘Wheels on the Bus’ 15 times a day and are constantly doing five things at the same time, you can get temporarily brain dead. You forget things. Like whether you fed baby from your left boob or right. Whether you ate lunch today. Or what you ate for lunch yesterday. It’s called Mummy Brain (and is often a perfect excuse for having forgotten to do something).
Before mommyhood, you knew the word ‘play’ and oh boy did you know the word ‘date’ (the romantic kind, not the edible kind). But after mommyhood, nothing excites you more than the word, idea and an actual ‘playdate’. Because a playdate means two things for you:1) Your toddler is occupied (either playing or squabbling but occupied nonetheless) giving you some sort of space and 2) You have someone to have an adult conversation with. Plus point – that someone is a mummy too so she gets it. She gets why you have unwashed hair or a strawberry-stained jumper. She will not say you look dreadful because you have big bags under your eyes. She will agree with you when you want to vent your feelings/ emotions/ frustration/ exhaustion about toddler’s tantrums/ refusal to sleep/ not wanting to poo-poo in the toilet. And she will not judge you when you eat cake. Lots of it. Oooh, don’t we mums love a playdate?
Do you have any mumspeak words you use? Do share them in the comments below… I’d love to expand my dictionary!
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