Mums-to-be have all the time in the world. To fantasize, make assumptions and resolutions. When our little sons or daughters are still kicking around in our bellies, we imagine how beautiful they are going to be (we don't realise just how much poop and puke there will also be); how amazing looking after a tiny being will be (sleep four hours a day, change 400 nappies a day, feel weird things in weird parts of your body – aaah, bliss!) and how we're going to nail the whole motherhood thing (it's ALL trial and error, and yet we feel we're constantly on the losing team). We make these rose-tinted resolutions of how we'll do this, will never do that, and what-have-you. Till…
reality hits, baby is born, your head is spinning and your eyes are gorging because you've forgotten what sleep actually feels like, your nipples are sore to the point you don't know they exist and you're wondering wtf all this is about?!!!
(It does get better, I promise you. You will love your little one like you've never loved another human being before, despite all the above described trauma and you will enjoy motherhood even through those sleep-deprived early months). And one day you will remember those rosy resolutions you made and laugh your head out! Just like I am doing!
'I will loose my pregnancy weight'
Hahaha. That's a joke. A cruel one nonetheless. If you have images of doing lunges and abs in skinny leotards while your baby looks at you with admiration from his bouncer, think again. If you think runs with buggies in the park are going to be a regular morning ritual, get real! Most days you will think and re-think and re-consider one more time whether its even worth getting out of the house. It's just too much effort with a baby and all baby's accessories (read: nappy bag). Skinny leotards? You won't be out of your PJs till noon, after which you'll probably slip into loose track pants.
'I will not allow my child to see TV till he's one or older'
I broke this resolution six months before the promised time period. And you will too. When you realise you need to make breakfast, take a pee, shower, eat, breathe, live – without a baby attached to some part of your body.
'I will sleep-train my baby so he's sleeping through the night by six months'
Are we in a stand-up comedy show? Coz the joke's on you and everyone – including your six-month-old baby – is laughing out loud at you. Sleeping through the night is an illusion for most mums.
'My child will not eat chocolates/ sweets till he's five'
The minute your toddler screams 'I want chocolate' in the long queue at Tescos, turning all eyes on you, believe me you will cave in. And give him that darn chocolate for fear of a full-blown public tantrum erupting.
'I will look like a yummy mummy'
(If only I can get out of those comfortable track pants, have the time to brush my hair and take an uninterrupted bath. Make-up? What's that?)
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