C’mon, admit it. As a mum, you’ve definitely pulled your hair out, gritted your teeth, thought your life pretty much sucks sometimes and gone ‘AAAAARGHHHHHH’ a zillion times! And at least seven times a day. That’s motherhood for you – well, a part of motherhood (the bit that comes with spit-ups and other messes, tantrums and other shenanigans). These are my top Mommy Aaaarghhhhh Moments.
1. When you take one hour plus to settle baby to sleep – only to have him/ her wake up the minute you leave the room.
Lesson: NEVER LEAVE. For another six months. That’s the ONLY way you’ll get sleep.
2. When baby FINALLY drifts off to sleep ONLY on your shoulder. After that one hour. And you gently, quietly put him/ her down in the cot. And he/she awakes.
Lesson: Keep baby on your shoulder. At all times. Through naps and through the night. If you want some kind of peace/ rest/ break.
3. When your baby looks nothing like you and everything like your husband. And EVERYBODY points that out. Aaaaarghhhhh! You were a big whale for nine months, you pushed that mini watermelon out and this is your reward?!
Lesson: At least make sure your husband looks like Tom Cruise!
4. When you have your first sip of hot tea/coffee (after forever) and you hear baby cry. How in heaven’s name do they always know that exact moment??? (Don’t believe me? Read this!)
Lesson: Learn to love ice tea/cold coffee!
5. When you’ve cleaned the house, putting everything in its correct place (read: no toys on the living room floor, no forgotten cheerios on the couch and no books in the bathroom) and toddler wakes up and you go to make him a snack and your house looks like a volcano site again.
Lesson: Don’t clean the house/ tidy up for the next five years. It’s pointless!
6. When you can never have a shower in peace again because:
a) your baby’s banging on the door crying for you
b) your toddler’s throwing a tantrum outside because he wants a snack NOW
c) because you are always imagining the above scenarios, even when you are home alone
Lesson: Get waterproof earplugs!
7. This one’s a no-brainer – when sleep deludes you. For approximately the next 5-10 years (depending on how many kids you plan to have).
Lesson: Learn to love coffee. And live on approximately 4.5 hours of disturbed sleep.
8. When you’re potty training and you ask your toddler if he/she wants to go to the toilet, and are met with a vehement ‘No Mummy’ and five minutes later there’s a puddle of pee on the floor!
Lesson: Never trust a toddler who says he/she doesn’t wanna pee!
9. Whenever your toddler throws a tantrum. In public. (Supermarkets and family gatherings are the worst!).
Lesson: I’m sorry, no lesson here. Just DEAL WITH IT!
10. When baby refuses to nap and toddler fusses at bedtime. Huge aaaaarghhhh moments in my book!
Lesson: Don’t have another kid! (Just kidding! How can you not want more of these munchkins?)!!!
11. When toddler insists on walking when you take the stroller along. That’s ok. But when toddler insists on not walking/ being carried when you deliberately didn’t get the stroller, because you thought toddler wanted to walk!
Lesson: Always carry a suitcase of your toddler’s belongings. Everywhere.
12. When stepping on lego. Or miniature cars. The third time this week!
Lesson: You can’t not buy toys for your kid (because you will then have to be sole entertainer) so just wear hard-soled trekking shoes at all times.
13. When baby/ toddler wakes up before the sun. Even on weekends.
Lesson: Again, don’t have another baby…
14. This one always gets me!!! When baby naps for all of seven minutes in the car and is then fresh for the next eight hours! With super-charged energy!
Lesson: Always have a CD of Heavy Metal in the car so that the above doesn’t happen.
15. Alternatively, when you want baby to nap in the car and he/she doesn’t, until five minutes before you reach your destination! And then you have to sit in the car with sleeping baby for 45 minutes because you don’t want to enter the party with a cranky baby!
Lesson: Just one of the many ironies of motherhood.
16. When your toddler eats his toast cut in triangles. Every. Single. Morning. Except that one morning when he wants them in squares and squares ONLY. And breakfast never ends.
Lesson: Your toddler will become your boss. He/ she will rule your life, your house, you. Accept it. Peace will prevail.
17. When mealtimes are a chore. That never end. One more bite. Just one vegetable please. Ok, let’s make a deal: if you eat your spinach, I’ll give you cake.
Lesson: We live to eat. Kids eat to live.
18. When your toddler tests your patience. Every day. For everything.
Lesson: Take a deep breath. Count 1-10. Repeat: This too shall pass. Think of your toddler when he/she is cuddling you, telling you you’re the best mum in the world. Think of the wine bottle that awaits you tonight…
19. When you decide to get your life back on track (read: get it back to normal), and that won’t really happen. For the next few years.
Lesson: Motherhood is a never-ending journey. Embrace it.
20. When a vacation is no more a vacation post kids. It’s just a whole load of packing, unpacking, laundry and doing the same stuff except in a new location.
21. When you want just five minutes of peace. No questions. No requests. No mopping up spills. No reading Peppa Pig (or worse still, listening to her talk), no chasing after crawling baby who has opened up every drawer in the house, no nappy changes, no appeasing tantrums…
Lesson: Stop dreaming!
22. When you’ve finally got those few minutes of peace, and then this happens…
23. When your weekends are pretty much the same as your weekdays. Same routine. No lie-ins. Same number of nappies to change. No Saturday Night Fever leading to Sunday Morning Hangover.
Lesson: It’s a new life post-baby. Different, absurd, challenging yet so, so amazing…
24. When you don’t feel like Supermom. You look like shit, feel like crap, and don’t have the energy to play with your toddler so you allow him to see lots and lots of TV. While Supermom across the road has it all in control. Wearing yoga pants at that!
Lesson: It’s ok to not be perfect. Your kid’s fed, and happy and loves you. You’re doing great!
25. When going to a restaurant is akin to mental torture and public shame. See pie chart below…
Lesson: Get all the possible take-away menus in your area
26. When your toddler has the memory of an elephant and you of a goldfish! What you say when sleep-deprived/ irritated/ just like that will be taken as a blood oath by your toddler!
Lesson: Watch your words.
27. When they can reach the unreachable (or so you thought), but are too lazy to complete the mundane, daily tasks.
Lesson: Never underestimate your toddler!
28. When you want to pee – and poop – in peace and in privacy, and you realise that is NEVER going to happen again.
Lesson: Learn to Skip to the Loo, My Darling…
29. When it’s just one of those days where there has been more shouting (by toddler and yourself) than laughing. And you feel like shit! For so much shouting.
Lesson: Momguilt will always exist. Just learn to ignore it.
Lesson: Babies grow up way too fast (even though it doesn’t seem like that on those the- shit-has-hit-the-ceiling days). Cherish every moment.
What are your most frustrating parenting moments? And how do you deal with them?
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