Skip to the loo my darling!

‘Skip, Skip, Skip to My Lou’ is a popular children’s song. Back in the 1840s, it was a famous American partner-stealing dance. The ‘lou’ in the title comes from the word ‘loo’, a Scottish word for ‘love’.

Now, why am I telling you’ll all this? What connection does it have to parenting? Well, here goes…

Any mother will agree that after becoming a mum, trips to the loo are not sacrosanct any more. There is zero privacy, irrespective of whether you want to pee, poop or shower! So ‘skipping’ to the loo (while baby’s in the highchair or toddler’s fixated on the telly) kinda becomes an anthem of sorts for mums. Just as the Americans stole a partner on the dance floor, we mums ‘steal’ those precious few moments to use the loo without a face peeking at us. Or a baby sitting on our laps. While we’re on the pot!

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What is it with babies and loos anyways? I mean, can’t we mums get any privacy? We had none during childbirth, not much after the littles were born and now, when the dust has finally settled, your just-learning-to-crawl baby wants to hold onto your leg. Yes, even while you pee!

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I understand separation anxiety and all that, but is it essential to sit right there? You could wait for mummy outside. She’s not going to get flushed down the toilet. But no, the littles want to see you. Damn privacy!

When Little Man was a crawler, and would crawl his way into the bathroom from whichever corner of the house he was in (of course, only when I was in), I invented this little game. Ok, not so much an invention as much as a copy of master and dog playing Fetch; you know, where master throws a stick or a ball and dog runs to fetch it? So while I was sat on the loo, I used to throw whatever I could get my hands on (cream bottles, deodorants, hairbrush) as far into the room as I could, and gleefully watch as Little Man used to crawl his fastest to go fetch. Then diligently crawl back and give it to me. Repeat action. The considerable amount of time it took for him to crawl to the object, search for it and then return it to me used to give me some form of quiet while on the loo! (No, I’m not warped. It’s called survival).

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Soon the separation anxiety turns to curiosity. ‘Mummy, what is that?’ Errrrm. ‘Let’s see what’s going on on TV now, shall we, honey?’ Whew, that was close!

Then when toddler turns to threenager, there is the constant stream of demands. At the exact moment you steal a trip to the loo.
‘Mummy, I’m hungry’ . Really? Like weren’t you hungry 15 seconds before? When I was sitting next to you on the sofa?
‘Mummy, my lego broke again. Come fix it’ Couldn’t you have broken it at any other time during the day?
‘Mummy, do this’
‘Mummy, come see that’
‘Mummy, I want this’

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Then there are the questions. ‘What you doin’ mummy?’ Or the announcements. In public. ‘Mummy’s doin’ a wee-wee’. Thanks for that, love. The entire restaurant knows that now!

I don’t know what to expect post this stage, but I’ve got a gut feeling it’s not going to involve a) a locked door, b) privacy or c) peace. At least not in the near future. Till then, I guess I’ll have to continue skipping to the loo my darling…

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I’ve linked this post with #FartGlitter and #FridayFrolics

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16 Responses

  1. great read. My favorite loo moment is when their little fingers stretch under the door like baby zombies!

  2. So very true! The Boy has taken to climbing up on my knee while I have a tiddle as it means that he can therefore reach the bathroom door handle and have unimaginable fun opening and slamming the bathroom door (usually banging it against my knees as an added bonus). It’s not the most relaxing experience I can tell you. They should offer solitary use of a loo for parents at spas! Thanks for linking with #fartglitter x

  3. Very funny – prefer not to be reminded of these horrors of course!! But now mine are pre and post teen they still don’t understand the sanctity of the bathroom, still shouting at the locked door “where are my new jeans?” and “the twins are fighting again!” never a relaxed moment! #FridayFrolics

  4. My littles are 8.5 and almost 6 – i havent had a lone poo in the loo since, 2008. Showers, just forget about it. It’s like a mini conference room as we all congregate and discuss nonsense. Privacy…long lost. #FridayFrolics #bloggerlove 😀

  5. I constantly forget whether I have conditioned my hair r not because of all the interruptions. Then I have the dilemma, of not doing it and having tangled hair, or doing it twice and having greasy limp hair! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  6. Haha! My Grandma used to sing that song to me & I always wondered what the lyrics were actually apart! My kids are obsessed with the bathroom, though they are actually mostly willing to let me go to the toilet alone. However, they both at all times have to be involved in potty emptying, not just the one who used the potty. & I definitely have ‘shower schizophrenia’!

    Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time

  7. […] 28.  When you want to pee – and poop – in peace and in privacy, and you realise that is NEVER going to happen again. Lesson: Learn to Skip to the Loo, My Darling… […]

  8. […] or will make your semi-naked body into a race-track for his cars. You will literally have to Skip to the Loo, so as weird as it may sound, respect this private time you will never have again for years to […]

  9. […] 6. From poo to pee, this one REALLY pisses (pun intended) me off! Why does your toddler scream his lungs out for you every time you are on the toilet? How does he feel hungry then and only then? Why does his Lego tower come crashing down the second you go to pee? Or take a shower? What is it with loo’s and toddlers? […]

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