This Mother’s Day, let’s stop with the Mom-shaming!

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Shops are brimming with cards, flowers and gifts and restaurants are throwing ‘special offers’ at us. But after all the marketing gimmicks and that little bit of extra attention (and chocolates and wine) we mums get, what next? Does being a mother and all that comes with it actually change? Does the Mom-shaming stop?

 

Stop Mom-Shaming
If I had to sum up Motherhood in a word, I’d say it’s complex. An emotional rollercoaster. You experience a love so strong and deep and powerful, it almost scares you. Yet, sometimes, you want to just run away and hide from those tiny objects of affection. One minute you are cuddling and kissing your toddler; the next you’re almost pulling your hair out in frustration. Motherhood makes you experience a gamut of emotions all in a span of ten minutes – from ultimate bliss and pride to loneliness and frustration.

And then it’s so bloody exhausting. Physically, there are constant night-wakings for approximately the first two years of your baby’s life (double that if you have a second child). There’s no 9-5; it’s more from sun up to sun down. Running behind crawling baby, then running after racing toddler, then running from school to swimming to ballet, then running errands… mums are always running!

 

Magnet
Emotionally, the Momguilt will get you, irrespective of whether you are a SAHM or a working mum. You will be judged nonetheless – as a mother, a wife, a career woman, a woman.

Which just goes to prove that Motherhood is a tough nut to crack. And when the terrible Mom-shaming occurs, it makes things even more difficult. Society shaming mums, strangers shaming mums, and the worst kind – mums shaming other mums. Really? Do you have it so good that you can afford to defame another mum? Has your child never driven you up the wall? Hasn’t your toddler ever thrown a public tantrum? No sleepless nights your end???

These, according to me, are the most common targets of Mom-shaming – AND THEY SHOULD JUST STOP. NOW.

The C-section 
Why are mums who haven’t had a natural birth looked upon as weak / vain / selfish? Whether it’s by choice or need, so what? What’s consequential is that you’ve created and nurtured a healthy baby for nine months, does it really matter how he or she comes out?

Bottle-feeding
Again, an extension of the C-section shaming. Ok, breast is best and all but sometimes, it doesn’t happen. Babies refuse to latch (mine is a case in point); cracked nipples and mastitis hurt like hell; mum is beyond exhausted and cannot feed for hours at a stretch every two hours every night. No – bottle-feeding DOES NOT make you a lesser mum.

SAHM v/s Working Mum
This one’s a bummer, either ways you are judged. If you go back to work, some will question how you call yourself a mother, leaving your precious one-year-old in the care of strangers? If you choose to be a SAHM, you’re looked upon as taking the easy path, not juggling work and baby. And not contributing to the pot. Serious, just STOP with it and let us be!

TV as a babysitter
I salute the moms who haven’t introduced their little ones to the TV/ i-pad/ phone, or who haven’t used one of these mediums as a babysitter. Serious, pat on the back to you. But hey, it’s NOT THE END OF THE WORLD OR YOUR TODDLER’S EYESIGHT if you do, as long as you are monitoring the screen-time and what your toddler is watching. When you have two hands, a toddler and a newborn, dinner to make and a whole lotta stuff to get done, this is THE BEST BABYSITTER EVER. Besides, we all need our ‘chill-out’ time – toddlers included!

Weight and looks
This one’s so frivilous, it drives me up the wall. Moms who haven’t got rid of their pregnancy weight are ‘lazy’. LAZY? Hello… do you know how exhausting it is to look after a newborn 24-7??? We cannot afford to be lazy. We’re just too tired to exercise when we’ve had 4 hours of sleep since ever.

And so what if I sport mom jeans and a mom bun? I don’t have time for make-up, excuse me, somedays I don’t even have time for a bath! So stop judging and shaming me, instead help me by babysitting for a few hours!

mom bun

 

Meanwhile, here’s another post I wrote for Mother’s Day last year – What mums REALLY want on Mother’s Day. It’s another year, but I still want all these things…

Follow Tales from Mamaville on bloglovin too!
https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/talesfrommamavillewordpresscom-14796627

I’ve linked this post with these fab linkies

 

One Messy Mama
Mummuddlingthrough
themumproject
  

My Petit Canard

3 Little Buttons
Cuddle Fairy

76 Responses

  1. Tina Shroff

    Lovely post Nicole. Really people do need to stop judging and start helping. 

    • Thanks Tina… Any other instances of mom-shaming that come to mind? Do share…

  2. The mom shaming is out of control. My mom said she was never mom shamed when raising us.  #GlobalBlogging

  3. BANG ON.  It makes me sick.  What's good enough for me, might not be for you SO WHAT. It's my life.  My child. My body.  Now naff off and worry about your own tits/kid/house etc. #globalblogging

  4. Yep, I agree. Why don't we all live and let live. In all honesty, I couldn't care less about other peoples opinions about how I raise my children. p.s. I love the hairdo pic! #globalblogging

    • Live and let live… if only people lived by that phrase, the world would be such a happier place! 

  5. So true 🙂  If you've got enough time to worry about my business, you're obviously bored and don't have enough to do.  Wouldn't it be great if people put the same energy into building each other up and helping out rather than tearing each other down?!  

     

    You might like this:  https://www.change.org/p/moms-make-a-mommitment-to-end-mom-shaming?recruiter=220060131&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=share_email_responsive   

    • Thanks for the #mommitment link… it's a fab initiative and I'm signing up! You're so right, those who have the time to judge and comment must really be bored; would really be awesome if we helped each other out instead! Thanks for popping over…

  6. Seriously.  It is so f**king stupid to shame other moms just because they chose a different path.  Preach!

     

    #globablogging

    • Yes the WORST kind is mums shaming other mums. They've been through it/ are going through it so know it's not a piece of cake. YET they judge. Sick!

  7. Standing ovation!  I get so tired of the mums who try to win popularity contests by trying to be so perfect.  I wish more mums would rather support each other in the choices that they each made.  #globalblogging

    • Thank you, and yes I agree with you. Motherhood should'nt be a popularity contest, rather we mums (especially) should support one another. Thanks for stopping by …

  8. You've no idea how good this post has made me feel. Despite the fact that I nearly died during childbirth I am still judged for the fact that I couldn't breast feed and why I hadn't yet lost the baby weight despite the fact that I could barely walk for weeks. Only now Baby D is eight months old am I still feeling more like myself. Thank you Again! #globalblogging xxx

    • That's terrible! I'm so sorry you had to go through this and well done on bouncing back. Guess it's easier said than done but try not to let other people's opinions affect you… YOU know what's best for YOUR baby and you will obvs do the right thing. Thanks for stopping by and good health and best wishes to you!

  9. Absolutly! The shaming has got to stop. Its ridiculous!

    #GlobalBlogging

  10. Parents just can't get it right these days! Well done for speaking up! #GlobalBlogging

  11. I never realised just how much bashing there was in the mum world until I became a mum. I know that people are always going to judge because we all have our opinions but we certainly need to stop voicing them to others and help support another mum instead! #GlobalBlogging

    • True. If you have an opinion, and it's not going to help another mum, just keep it to yourself!!!

  12. Don't forget the whole baby wearing, or baby led weaning, or cry-it-out, dummies, home-schooling etc – The list is endless. If everyone listened to ALL the so called 'experts' we'd lose our minds! 

    #globalblogging 

  13. I am so tried of mums / dads shaming each other. It is so old! Get a move on already! No one has time for that. We should be more supportive of each other not the other way around. Thank you for hosting. x #GlobalBlogging 

    • Get a move on already. No one has time for that… EXACTLY!!! Thanks for popping over…

  14. Nicole live and let live is my motto.  I try not to judge others for the way they do things as everyone is different and there aren't any steadfast rules for parenting.  #GlobalBlogging

    • True, the world would be such a happier, nicer place if we all lived by this motto. Agree that everyone parents differently, but if you can't be supportive at least don't be mean! You're so right – there aren't (and shouldn't be) any steadfast rules for parenting. Thanks for reading:)

  15. This is so good. I hate the mum judgement and feel like we need to support eachother rather than judge for how they choose to raise their kid. 

    ive both boob fed and bottle fed, ive stayed at home for 8 months and worked also. its ok to make choices that are best for your family. but people need to stop the judgement and let people get on with their own lives #globalblogging

    • The point you made about making choices that are best for your family is crucial in this case. What works for one mum/ family might not for another, so yes, let's stop judging and be more accepting instead.

  16. I agree that mothers should not be shaming each other but listening to one another and empowering. #GlobalBlogging

    • Yes, even lending a ear would be so supportive and helpful. Thanks for popping over…

  17. I genuinely haven't come across it,perhaps I'm thick skinned/ignorant but I wouldn't take any notice anyhow.You find judgemental women in all areas of life.Ive always tried my best at parenting even when I've messed up so that leaves me guilt free.#globalblogging

  18. This is so true. We are all just doing our best to raise our treasure children the best way we can. It is a form of survival. I think my hair is in a "mom bun" 7 days a week… My poor husband 🙂 Thanks for co-hosting this week Nicole! It has been great having you join #globalblogging!!! 

    • Thank you for inviting me to co-host Jacqui, was a pleasure😄 and yes, you are so right, we are all doing our level best… so why not support rather than shame?

  19. I'm with you! Time to build each other up – not tear each other down. Now THAT would be a Happy Mothers Day! 

    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub

  20. I need to say that I agree with all of this for 100% Really lovely post pleasure to read it

     #GlobalBlogging

    • Oh thank you, that's so sweet to hear. I'm glad you enjoyed reading. Thanks for stopping by, do come over again?;)

  21. Absolutely! Mom shaming is awful. I've found motherhood a test of my survival skills! The last thing I think about is what I look like or if I'm my 'ideal weight'. Another great blog. #StayClassyMama

    • Motherhood is a real test of survival skills, bang on! And we can definitely do without the judgement, no thank you!!! Thanks for the lovely comment

  22. Amen!!! This is perfectly said. Thank you! #StayClassyMama

  23. I think the key to stopping it is starting being kinder to ourselves. When we stop the harsh self talk and generally attacking our own parenting style, the judgment and shaming of others will go at the same time. #blogcrush

    • That is such a refreshing point, and yes, you have made a very important point here. Often, we are our own worst critics! Thanks for reading   

  24. YES to alll of this. I can't stand all the judging that goes on between mums, it really is no one else's business how someone chooses to raise their own child. Thanks for linking up to #BlogCrush xx

    • Exactly. What works for one family might not necessarily work for another. Each to his own

  25. Mom shaming is the worst, and sadly is very easy to do. To ourselves, to others, we all need more support not more shame!

    • True. If we just supported one another a little more, everyone would be the better for it! Thanks for popping over…

  26. Why does motherhood not offer choices? We all take different roads and arrive at different conclusions. Embrace! Don't hate! #globalblogging xo

  27. Oh yes, yes, yes and yes!!

    It's so true that sisterhood seems to go a bit astray when it comes to attitude towards motherhood.  I hate it when others judge and I've actually fallen out with a friend gym was a terrible mum shamer. Then I thought, if you're really like this you're not the person I want to hang with. We as women don't need frienenemies – there are enough struggles being a woman as it is!

    Good post 

    #Twitter

    • Thanks so much:) Yes, being a woman and a mother has its own set of difficulties. We've got no time or space for frenemies. Love your line about how sisterhood goes astray when it comes to motherhood… sad but often true. 

  28. Yes! So much love for this! I had an emergency c-section, stopped breastfeeding after 5 weeks, and put my son into nursery at 8 months when I went back to work part time. Does any of that make me better or worse than other mums? Hell no! We all lead different lifestyles, have different opinions, and make different choices. All that matters is that our children are growing up healthy and loved, and learning in an unbiased, non-judgemental way.

  29. Love this and completely agree. Being a mum isn't easy and we should support each other, not tear people down! Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays x

  30. I think we mums have to justify our choices and we shouldn't. No one knows what is right for someone else's family #marvmondays

    • You made a very valid point… we mums always feel we need to justify our decisions. We always feel we are being judged. And that's probably because we always are! 

  31. Great post! Motherhood is definitely the most challenging life experience ever and mum shaming doesnt help anyone. The way I always think of it, is that you can't tell when kids are in primary school, secondary school or university whether they were a c section baby or natural birth baby, whether they were breast or bottle fed and so on! Emily #GlobalBlogging

    • Thanks so much Emily. Yes, you are so right… a child is a child, irrespective of whether he/she has been breastfed/ bottlefed etc etc… they all grow up to be alike, don't they?

  32. I'm thinking about having a 'help me' board at home where I can write up things that I would appreciate help with when people come around. Perhaps even a tongue in cheek reward system. One load of washing = hug with baby, hoovering up = hug with baby…

    #dreamteam

  33. Mum shaming should definitely stop.  People are so quick to judge and pull others down, but what we should be doing is sticking together in this parenting game!   Thanks so much for sharing such an important post with #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

    • Glad you liked it, and yes I'm glad we are all talking about it. Acknowledging the problem is the first step in solving it.

  34. Mom-shaming is such a stupid thing. We have all experienced it in one way or another. It is one of the worst forms of adult bullying. #Blogstravaganza

    • Adult bullying, that's an apt word for it! Thanks for popping over…

  35. The days are so gone of where anyone should dare to shame others. It's fight back time.

    Mainy

     #Blogstravaganza 

    • Yes, support one another and fight mom-shaming and other things that demoralise mums. Thanks for reading

  36. Love this post as you have made so many important points here! The working mum shame happens to me sometimes although luckily everyone is mostly feeling bad for me because I don't get to be with Bear, but at the same time they shouldn't feel bad I made this decision and I see him after work and on the weekends so even that is a bit frustrating. The other one that gets to me is the breastfeeding debate, can't believe how judgemental people can be on a very personal choice. Love your honesty and thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

    • So glad you liked the post Meagan… yes, it's so sad (and ridiculous) how quick people judge (especially other mums) on personal choices. Bringing up a child isn't a textbook application, you've got to do what works for you, your child and your family. There is no black and white.

  37. Yes, exactly this. There is far, far, far too much mummy shaming going on. I still can't understand why parents do this to each other. Thank you for sharing with the #DreamTeam. Hope you had a fab Mother's Day xx

    • Thanks Annette… yes, it baffles me too how mums (especially) can be so judgemental. Don't we all go through the same parenting trials and tribulations?

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