‘A fart came out of my mouth’ and other gems from a 3-year-old

If you’ve been following my blog posts about Little Man’s developing vocabulary, you would know by now that some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth is exhilaratingly funny (as is the case with most toddlers). If this is the first post you chanced upon regarding this subject, you can catch up on all the laughs here – A is for Aaaaapa… and other toddlerisms and here – Threen-speak: Minding that language.

Now, over to the third installment. Of course Little Man is now talking like a grown-up (most of the time), using full (mostly meaningful and grammatically correct) sentences. He’s learned SO MANY new words, it stumps me sometimes when he talks. But nowadays, his lingo has a lining of sarcasm (unknown to him, of course) and oodles of attitude (again, unknown to him) attached to it. Which, when coming out of his mouth, sounds earth-shatteringly cute!

 

Fart Came Out Of My Mouth

 

*When I tell him to come for a short nap, because he’s been awake since 6.15 am and it’s now well past 2 in the afternoon* – “No, I don’t have time for it!”
Yes child, in the three plus years of mothering you, I’ve gathered sleep isn’t your best friend but you don’t have time for it??? Really?!

“I’m busy right now, I can’t talk”
*When daddy calls from the office to tell him he’s missing him and that he will be home soon*
Busy doing what, may I ask?
“I’m catching the bad guys” (says with either his policeman helmet or his Spiderman cape and mask on)

THE SHIT FILES

Sorry for the ‘shitty’ title (pun intended) but living with a little boy makes you talk about shit and farts and the like with ease. As you might have guessed, there is no dearth of shit stories in my house…
Fresh from being potty-trained and doing his big job in the loo, Little Man asks me in all seriousness (after being sat on the loo for a good 10 minutes or more) – “Mummy, can I do LOTS of potty?”
Yes dear, there is no limit and no quota. Let it go… (sorry, another ‘crap’py pun).
Another revelation from when on the loo – “Mummy, my potty doesn’t have a very nice smell”
I KNOW. I’ve been changing your nappies since day 1…
This was another gem he came up with, when trying hard to do a poo – “My potty’s not listening to me, it doesn’t want to come out.”
And saving the best for last – “A fart came out of my mouth” – when he let out a big burp. C’mon, you gotta chuckle at this one;)

FROM SHIT TO GARBAGE…

Little Man has always had a fascination with garbage trucks (I’ve had to watch garbage trucks load garbage on many occasions), and the other day whilst we were walking past one, he announces: “When I grow up, I want to be a garbage man…” That’s it kiddo, aim for the stars (or the dumpster?!). And here your father and I are going nuts looking for a house next to an outstanding or good school!

 

BATH IN THE PARK?

Remember that week of gorgeous weather we had last month? When everyone rejoiced that Spring was finally here (although it did feel like summer at 27 degrees!). So we were in the park on that lovely hot sunshining day and as Brits have a tendency to do when the sun is shining, a man a few feet away from us started stripping right to his undies. As Little Man watched him undo his layers, he asked me: “Mummy, why is that man having a bath in the park?”

AND THEN THIS BACK IN MY FACE…

Whenever Little Man repeats a mistake after apologising (which is almost every night, when he drives me nuts before bedtime, then tells me he’s sorry whilst we’re cuddling in bed, only to repeat the following night), I tell him that there’s no point in saying sorry if he doesn’t mean it.

So one day as I was strapping him into his car-seat, I was singing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle song (yeah, weird I know, but that’s my life now, along with the Paw Patrol theme song) and Little Man asks me: “Why are you singing that?”
Me: “Just like that. I felt like it”
Little Man: “No, you can only sing it when the TV is on”
Me: “Alright, I’m sorry”
Little Man: “There’s no point in saying sorry!!!”

STUMPED!!!

 

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