You might’ve read my post ‘The A-Z of Parenting‘ which, as the name suggests, is an alphabetical list of things we do, emotions we feel and experiences we have as parents. But there are some things that are unique to mums (physically and emotionally), and only a mum will ‘get it’. Here’s an alphabetical tongue-in-cheek peek at motherhood as only we know it!
A – Arse. It just keeps getting BIGGER after pregnancy!!! (And not the sexy Beyonce type of bigger, just fatter!)
B – Boobs. Or lack thereof. Or sagging ones. Breastfeeding has its benefits sure but wtf happens then?!
C – Has to be for Coffee. Whether we like it or not, we NEED it. And so we love it.
(Read my related post: I’m having an affair, and it’s no secret for more on my love affair with this beverage)
D – Don’t give a shit (about a dirty house/ dirty kid/ take-away for dinner). An extension of which is point E…
E – Exhaustipated. The definition of which is – Too tired to give a shit! Something every mum feels every day.
F – The FATHER (of our kid/s, obvs!). Besides having played an essential role in bringing the kid/s into this world, he plays an important role in the following:
a) Being a dumping ground for our babies when we’ve had an entire day cleaning poo, cleaning crumbs, cleaning messes, not cleaning ourselves, listening to Wheels on the goddamn bus, listening to them howl their guts off because they are so tired but refuse to nap…
b) Being a dumping ground for our tantrums and bad moods which are often a result of point a
G – Is for the guilt trip that all moms go on. For free. On a bus named Momguilt.
H – Hair appointments. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. We learn to live with greys and split-ends, just like we learn to live with vomit and farts.
I – Indecisiveness about whether to sleep when your baby/ toddler goes to bed, or stay up for another hour (or three) scrolling through Facebook despite being exhausfuckingtated – just to enjoy some quiet me-time. Here comes the Mombie.
J – “Just coming”. Two words you utter at least 10 times daily, to your ever-needy toddler who calls you for everything, every three minutes. Of course, a mum’s version of “just coming” means I’ll come after I’ve finished whatever I’m doing (peeing/ pooping included) or is just a phrase we say hoping they’ll eventually forget…
K – is for that Killer Instinct we develop as mums, when any other child tries to hurt ours
L – Is for being Late. For everything. All the time.
M – Mom jeans, Mom bun, Mom dark circles – effectively, the Mom look
N – The most uttered Mom word – “NO”
O – Oops. Another oft-uttered word. When we make #Mummyfails. When toddler has an accident. When baby spills his breakfast. What’s motherhood without a few oops moments in a day?!
P – Playgroups and Playdates. Bless those mummy-toddler playgroups that offer some sort of sanity during those early months. You get to talk to other ADULTS. Who are
swimming sinking in the same exhausted, spit-up-filled boat as you. And it’s ok if your baby’s howling because their babies are howling too.
Q – Questions. From “Why do I have to sleep at all?” (sleep-hating toddler) to “When are you planning your next baby?” (relative of a relative who should really be minding her own bloody business)
R – Repitition. Put on your shoes. Wear you coat. Brush your teeth. Put on your shoes. Wear you coat. Brush your teeth. WEAR YOUR SHOES. PUT ON YOUR COAT. BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
S – The School Run. OMG the stress of the school run. Accounts for 95 per cent of my currently white hair.
T – Tired. A constant feeling. Related to point e.
U – Undying love. No love is as strong as a mother’s. Believe me.
V – Venting. All the frustrations, exhaustions, irritations. Fix up a date with your bestie (even better if she’s a mum), drink a steep cocktail and vent vent vent. It feels good!
W – Has to be for Wine. Every mum’s manna from heaven. The worst of days can be forgotten with a glass of wine…
X – X-citing. X-hausting. X-hilarating. Emotions that well describe being a Mom.
Y – Yawn. You will do this throughout the day, without even realising it
Z – is for zzzzzz. HAHAHAHA who are you kidding? Sleep is a myth…
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